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camatchoum · 11 months ago

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What about me...

Timothée Chalamet x reader

Part 2

Part 1 Part 3

Summary : You and Timothée have been dating in private. You both want to keep the privacy. But what happens when his PR team has a new idea?

Words : 4.4K

Disclaimer : Hi, here is part 2. Hope you enjoy it. Sorry for the wait. I have to study all day. But don't forget that there is no hate for Kylie or their couple. If they're happy, then it's all that matters.

Warnings : fluff, angst

“Hi Timmy!” You say with a lot of joy. You were so excited to finally be able to hear his voice after what felt like so long.

“Hi mon ange” he says with much less excitement. He was very relieved to hear your voice but he knows what is about to come.

“Are you okay? Is everything alright?” You ask with concern. Of course, you picked immediately that something was off. But maybe he was just tired.

“Don’t worry, I had a long day” he answers, and even if you are not sure whether he is believing him or not, you start to talk to him a bit about what you were doing. But he wasn’t listening. How could he do that? You were there on the phone, sweet voice full of happiness, and all he could think about was the contract he had just signed a few hours ago.

“Timmy? Timothée? Timothée!” You yell a little to gain his attention. Okay, now you were sure something was very wrong.

“I’m sorry mon cœur, I just.... I-I... I’m just so sorry” he sighs. You could hear the desperation in his voice, and by the way he was talking, you could swear he was on the verge of crying. His voice feels so fragile, so broken.

“Sorry? What are you sorry for? Timmy what’s happening? Are you okay?” Your voice full of worry. Is he hurt? Did something really bad happen to him or to his family or even to one of his friends? You don’t know what to do right now because all you could do is wait for him to tell you what is going on. “Timmy I need you to tell me something, please. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay physically, I swear” he mumbles. He knows he has to tell you. The longer he waits, the harder it gets, but he doesn’t want to be the reason behind your sad face. You were full of worry, and he was about to make things even worse. “I-I-I did something today, something really bad. And I don’t know how to tell you”

“It’s okay I’m sure whatever it is, we can work something out together, okay?” You didn’t really know what to think. You want to be there for him, but what if it is something that will break your heart? Now, you are just afraid of what he is about to say.

“I had a meeting earlier with the PR team” he begins, and you hold your breath, preparing yourself of what’s about to come. “They had this idea to help me gain attention from the public. And I wasn’t really happy about it”

“Wha-What is it?” you ask. It takes some time, but he finally sighs and tells you.

“They want me to date someone” your heart stops. “They asked me to date Kylie Jenner” He finally tells you what was on his chest. But he doesn’t have time to feel relieved or relaxed because stress starts to eat him whole.

“I-I-I” you are at a loss of words. You don’t know what to say or how to react. It’s like the information didn’t kick in your brain. “I just don’t know what to say.... I don’t understand why?”

“They think that if I date her then I’ll be in the spotlight and that my movies will gain a lot of interest since apparently poeple are mad for the report of Dune and that Wonka doesn’t come out until December.” He explains to you trying to help you understand their mind even if he’s not okay with it.

“And what did you say?” You don’t really understand how that is the best solution, but you wanted to know what he thought of it.

“I told them no, of course, I was really angry at them, and I still am.” You feel relieved that at least he doesn’t want this. But you know there’s more. “But...” There it is “I still signed the contract”

“Why....?” you ask with your voice barely a whisper. He exhales loudly.

“I promise you I said no at first, I told them that I couldn’t do it because I didn’t want to and that it was clearly not necessary. All I could think about was that I already had you as my girl, and I didn't need or want to replace you. I couldn't do that to you, to us” he defends himself, and you could hear that he started to cry. “But I couldn’t tell them that, and I thought that you wouldn’t want me to expose us just for that. I just didn’t know what to do. I felt trapped and overwhelmed with the situation. I felt like I couldn’t get out of it, so I just signed and left.”

You just don’t know what to feel. Well, yes, you feel nothing. Your brain is just offline, like it doesn’t want to process everything. What are you supposed to say? Seriously? Of course you aren’t okay that’s for sure, but are you supposed to cry or to understand what he did? That he didn’t have a choice? Or did he really have any? You wanted to say that he should have told them about you, but was revealing your relationship really the best idea? Do you really want the public to know? Definitely not.

“Mon cœur? Please say something... I need you to tell me what you think”

“What would you have to do?” You ignore his, please. And of course, he knows you were doing it on purpose, so he sighs.

“They told me that it’s going to be just a lot of fake pictures, really. With us walking outside, holding hands, and being fake happy. And maybe some kisses but nothing, including lips. I can assure you that. I only want yours”

“Nothing much bigger?”

“No not for the moment, at least. They want us to have this act like we dont want people to know, but we are not good at hiding it. They want us to reveal it in a bigger way, but they don’t know how for now” he knows this isn’t the best, but he wants to at least be completely honest with you.

“No kissing?”

“No I promise I won’t put my lips on hers”

“When does it start?”

“Tomorrow” if people could ask him, no, he didn’t feel like he was doing an interrogation. “I promise I will tell you everything before anything happens so that there is no surprise” he waits a moment before he hears you sigh. You were processing everything, contemplating what to say or even what to feel.

“Okay” you just say.

“Okay? Are you really sure it’s okay?”

“Listen, I’m sorry, but I just don’t know how to feel. Of course I’m not glad and it’s like I don’t understand how it is the best thing to do. My head tells me that you didn’t think of us, of me. But-”

“Y/N I promise you I did it because all I could think about is you and-“ he tries to tell you, afraid that you are mad at him but this time you are the one cutting him off

“BUT at the same time I’m really glad you didn’t expose us. I-We discussed it a million times, and I’m not ready for the public to know. I like us this way.”

“Me too” he smiles for the first time since the start of this conversation. “You know I want to keep you to myself as much as you do” and when he hears you giggles, he just knows that everything’s going to be okay. It will be hard, but you could both survive this.

“You need some rest now, okay? It’s really late for you”

He doesn’t want to go, but it’s really late, and with all the things that happened today, he was just so exhausted. But at the same time, he was glad it was okay between the two of you. “You are right, I should go to sleep”

“When am I not right?” You tease.

“I wouldn’t put myself in your bad side, so I’m not going to add anything .” he chuckles. “I love you so much”

“Really really really?”, and his smile just got bigger.

“Really really really.”

And with that, you hang up the phone. Timothée went straight to bed. He was really exhausted. And on the other side, there is you, looking at your phone reviving everything from this conversation. Your boyfriend is going to date another woman just for the purpose of his new movies. And that’s when it hits your brain, and you couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. You wanted to understand him and the need of this situation, but you just couldn’t. Everything felt like a dream for one and a half years, and now what? The universe didn’t want you to be happy? You aren’t mad at Timothée you really aren’t but how are you supposed to take all of this?

And your head just kept spiralling for at least two hours until there were no tears anymore because you just relaxed yourself. Timothée loves you, and you know it isn’t just words. It’s real, and you love him too, so much. So all you have to do is watch him act in real life with another woman, but you know that at the end of the day, he is yours.

You felt really better, as happy as you can be right now, but you still want to talk a little about it with someone, so you take your phone and dial the number.

“Hi girl what’s up?” Zendaya’s voice comes out once she picked up.

“Hi Z. Nothing much really. I just wanted to talk” you say, and Zendaya could see right through you like a best friend would.

“Aaargh what did he do?” she groans, knowing it's about Timothée and you could hear Tom in the background asking the same thing, and rapidly enough, you are sure Z put the phone on speaker for him to hear. Yes, you were private, but in this world, private means that Zendaya and Tom knew about it. They were your best friends, after all.

“It’s not really him that did something. It’s his PR team” and you go on and on about the whole conversation that you just had with your boyfriend. How he was supposed to date Kylie Jenner and the promises that he did to you and, of course, why he did accept.

“Oh my that’s bloody messed up” Tom says “Ouch!” and that’s Zendaya hitting him on the head. “Sorry Y/n/n”

“No that’s okay, you are right” you chuckle, but Z wasn’t having it. She can’t wait to call this Halamet boy.

“How do you feel about that?” she asks with such concern that you laugh lightly, but soon between your laughs, there is a sob.

“I’m just really, really afraid of what’s coming, guys. I love and trust him with all my heart, but” and the tears are back. “I’m just so afraid of what is going to happen to us. What if this stupid idea just tore us apart? I dont want to lose him.”

“Listen Y/n/n.” Tom catches your attention “You need to calm down because, yes, this idea is really bad, but I promise you that everything is going to work on in the end.”

“He’s right, you know. This guy loves you so much it’s sickening. You two are far worse than us, and that tells a lot. I can assure you that you two will just love each other even more and I can tell you that we have your back. I’m going to make sure that he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

The words of your friends give you so many feelings, and you mostly feel confident. You can do it. You both can because you love each other and mostly you trust each other. It’s just a phase, a bad long moment to go through together.

“Thanks guys, I really appreciate that. Everything is going to work out.”

“Of course it is.” Z add. “I just want to give you a hugg now, but we have to wait two freaking months.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to see you two at the convention for Dune”

“It’s going to be bloody awesome.” And you all laugh.

“Thank you, guys. I’ll call you later.”

“Bye Y/n/n!” they both say, and then the call is over.

And with that, you work to the end of the day before going to sleep. You. Could. Do. this.

The next morning Timothée wakes up. Not really feeling it. After what happened last night, he doesn’t know what to think. And it’s also because today is the start of the worst role he ever had to play. He goes to his emails and sees that Jack sends him what the plan is for today. Apparently all he has to do is go the his favorite coffee shop to order something and sit for awhile and Kylie will appear like magic and discussing for awhile and paparazzi will have a private source to tell them where they are. At least that’s easy to do and doesn’t need a lot of romance. He forwards you the mail so that you know when you’ll wake up. He just goes on with all the prep he has to do and put on a cosy outfit so that the paparazzi don’t know it’s all a part of the plan. He walks to the coffee shop, enjoying the fresh morning before autumn starts. When he arrives, he orders his coffee and goes straight to a boot next to a window that will be best for the photos. Just when he sits down, he gets a text from Zendaya. Oh no. He was in for a ride.

Z- She called me crying last night.

T- I know it’s really messed up. How is she?

Z- Afraid mostly. She doesn’t want to lose you. I understand your way of thinking but this isn’t a good idea.

T- You really think I don’t know that? I’m sorry, but I just felt so overwhelmed, and I didn’t know what to do.

Z- Just be careful, okay? She trusts you. Don’t make her doubt on anything. Alright?

T- Z I’m in love with her, and you know that. I will do everything so that nothing hurts her more. I promise.

Z- I trust you with that. Call me or Tom if you need help with anything.

T- Will do. Thank you, Z. I promise I will take care of this.

Z- You better.

“I’m sorry, is this seat taken?” he hears a voice. And when he looks up, he sees none other than the Kylie Jenner dresses in a casual outfit with sunglasses on, just like him. She wears a big smile and he reciprocates it.

“Of course not. Otherwise, the plan is not going to work” he feels bad for letting that go so easily. “Sorry just not really feeling like I want to be in this situation”

“Don’t worry about that, I understand. When they told me what we had to do for the sake of our careers, I was a little mad.”

“But you accepted it anyway” he says a little to defensively.

“If you think it was my idea, then forget about it. But I mean, I see where they want to go with this, and it can’t affect me in a bad way, so I signed. It will help my brand, so that’s cool.” She explains.

He wanted to feel hate for her, but this isn’t her fault. Yes, she agrees with all of this, but she doesn’t know that there is someone in his life. He doesn’t know if he should at least tell her so that she knows that there are some limits for him, and that’s why he acts a little too angry. But after reflection, he doesn’t want her to know for now. He doesn’t know if he can trust her. And so the plan begins. They talk, not so much, but they talk a little, and when they receive a text from their managers telling them that the paparazzi are outside, they go and act. Laughing and after an hour of pretending, they both get up and say goodbyes, leaving in different directions.

You are in your kitchen, cooking when you see the photos trending on Twitter. Your boyfriend and Kylie Jenner are laughing while drinking in a coffee shop. You aren’t surprised since you read the mail. And with that, the plan begins. You are okay for now, at least. It’s all fake, after all.

And it goes on and on for a month and a half. They started to do more and more fake dates. Each one you knew about appart for two because Timothée didn’t know about them until they happened. There is nothing to be mad about, but you are hoping it doesn’t happen again because it was making you more anxious. You are globally okay. Each day Timothée makes sure you know that he loves you even if these past few days he stopped sending you cute texts. But you still try to call every day, even if it happens less and less, and he drowns you in sweet words, even if the calls are really short because he’s so tired. There's nothing to be worried about, right? That’s all normal. You think too much.

You are preparing a suitcase because tomorrow you’ll fly out to see Timothée. You are really missing him and sort of in need of his presence. Even with all the sweet words, you are starting to worry a little and to get a little insecure. So, I'm going to pass some time with him for a week before the two of you go to the convention. Will you do you good. You are actually so excited to see his face.

A few hours later, you are at the airport, waiting outside for your boyfriend to come pick you up. He was supposed to be here an hour ago.

Y- Are you there yet?

T- What do you mean?

Y- Well I’m at the airport right now, waiting for you. I already have my suitcase and all.

T- Aargh, I forgot to tell you. I’m with Kylie right now.

Y- Okay I’ll find a way to come.

T- Great. I’m really sorry, mon cœur I really forgot.

Y- Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.

T- Don’t forget to walk in with the back door. Nobody can see you.

You don’t want to answer anymore. Did he forget that you were coming today? That’s impossible he sent you a text this morning telling you how he can’t wait to see you. So... he wanted to see you but he actually forgot when you were supposed to arrive. That’s nice. That’s pretty nice. You then call a taxi, the only way you could go to his house apparently thanks to your boyfriend. Well, thanks to this curly bloody boy.

Yes, you are mad. You don’t want to, but he didn’t have the decency to warn you about this part of this plan. And is it really hard to cancel one fake date? He could have at least done that.

You take a deep breath and sigh. You can’t think that way. You don’t know how much of a choice he has. So you just take your suitcase to go into the taxi and go to his house.

When you are there you remember that you have to go to the back door. It didn’t shock you when he told you to do so because that was how you did it last time. So you just walk in with your keys. You go straight to his room since you supposed that he isn’t there if he is with Kylie. You put your suitcase on his bed so that you can put away your clothes in one of the closets, but you stop yourself when you hear noises downstairs. Maybe Timothée is back. You couldn’t stop smiling when you rushed downstairs to greet him and give him a hug. You enter the kitchen, and when you see him, you just jump on him, giving him a big hug.

“Woaw!! What are you doing here?” he asks with shock, but you don’t seem to catch that this wasn’t really a happy one.

“I thought you weren’t here, that you were with Kylie, so I just came in.” You say with a big smile. But something was off with him even if he hugged you back, and you just realised that. “What’s wrong?”

“Timothée?” and you look up to see Kylie Jenner in the doorway. “Who’s this?” she asks kindly.

“Oh I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you.” And you both shake hands.

“Are you his cousin or something?” she asks.

He didn’t tell her about you. You know that you never discussed it with him, but isn’t it common sense to realise that she should know that he has a girlfriend? So that she knows there are some limits? And that’s when Timothée clears his throat.

“Actually Kylie, this is my girlfriend Y/N”

You can see the shock on her face and just after her eyes widen in realisation. She immediately engulfed you in a hug before looking at you.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t know. If I knew, I would never have said yes.” You are actually surprised. You were ready to hate her, but here she is apologising to you. She turns to Timothée. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Yeah we kind of decided to keep it private, and I just didn’t know what to do.”

“Yeah no I understand. I’m just really sorry Y/N”

“Don’t worry about me”

Kylie is at Timothée’s house because they wanted the paparazzi to take a picture of her car in his alley and of her leaving his front door. So you just talked for a few hours. She is really nice but you don’t feel like talking with her. She still is your boyfriend’s fake girlfriend, and watching how the two of them interact with such complicity made you feel more insecure.

Not soon enough Kylie is leaving, you watch hiding in the kitchen how your boyfriend kisses her cheek and says goodbye with a loving smile. He’s really a good actor. Okay, now you have to stop otherwise you’ll break down, and nobody wants that. You decide to go lay on his bed to wait for him to say bye-bye to his wannabe girlfriend. And sure enough, after a while, you feel the bed deepening and arms grabbing you to rest your back against a chest.

“I’m so sorry, mon ange” he whispers while kissing your head. “I’m so happy you are here. I missed you so much” he tights a little his arms. You slowly turn around so that you can take him in your arms, too. You aren’t really okay, but you missed him so much, and you just need him right now. You spend a few minutes like this, relaxed to finally be with each other.

“Are you mad at me ?” he asks quietly.

“I don’t know” you mumbles.

“Please talk to me” he says sweetly, needing you to elaborate.

“I just, I just don’t know what to think. It’s really difficult for me to see you with her. And I know it’s fake but the more you spend time with her the more we don’t talk. You promised you were going to tell me everything and you didn’t keep that one. And you actually forgot that I was coming today and you just left me. I know you don’t always have a say in this situation, but all of this is starting to bring me down mentally. I just miss being loved by you, and I’m so afraid that this thing is going to break us” You are fully crying, soaking his hoodie, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is how his heart breaks at your words.

“I know it’s difficult, mon cœur. It’s so hard for me, too. I’m sick of seeing myself every day knowing that you are hurt because of me. I know I messed up badly.” He begins to cry in your hair. He sniffles and lift your head so he can look into your eyes. “I promise you, and I can assure you that I will keep this one. I promise you everything is going to be over soon.”

“I really want to believe you, but do you really think that your PR teams could forget this idea?” You say your eyes, no longer looking at him.

“Hey” you look up “I talked to Jack yesterday, telling him I couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t want to give up at first, but when I told him that a break up would do as much noise as if we were still together, he reconsidered it. He told me that just before Wonka was out, we were going to end everything.”

“So just one month?” You hold so much hope in your eyes

“Just one month. And then, if you are okay with that, I want you to come with me as my date to the first Wonka premiere”

“You mean... going public? Wouldn’t we get more hate than if we would have done it before all of this?”

“I don’t care about what people think of us. I’ll protect you”

“Okay”

“Okay?” he asks with a big smile. “You are willing to do that?”

“Well, I have to tell the world that this boy is mine” you answer with a smile just as big as his. You both chuckle, and Timothée just tights his arms around you, feeling relieved that he hasn’t lost you after all.

“I also had to play the grandma card” he says, causing you to look up at him once again. He could fall in love every day with your eyes.

“You did not!” You gently slap him, and he laughs. “You know your grandma asked you to stop telling people she was sick to get away with everything. One day, she is going to curse you.” And you couldn’t help but to laugh with him.

And right now, while you were laughing with your loving boyfriend, you are full of hope. One month is really long in this kind of situation, but the end is going to be worth it. You just feel like everything is going to be okay from now on.

If only you knew.

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That's it for part 2. Hope you enjoyed it, guys!

#timothée chalamet x reader #timothée chalamet x you #timothée chalamet imagine #timothée chalamet x y/n #timothée chalamet #timothée chalamet fanfic

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cutecurly-hair · 1 year ago

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Hearts Unleashed (Part 3)

Pairing: Nick Nelson x Black!fem!reader

Warning: Fluff, Smut in later chapters, Body Shaming

Words: 3,106

During Mr. Ajayi's art lesson, the classroom buzzed with the sounds of brushes sweeping across canvases, pencils sketching on paper, and the potter's wheel humming away. I eagerly joined in, excited to dive into the creative process.

Throughout the lesson, Elle and I exchanged glances here and there, silently sharing our thoughts on the techniques Mr. Ajayi was imparting. It felt like we were quickly becoming art buddies.

As the class continued, Mr. Ajayi came over to my easel to check out my work. His encouraging smile and helpful feedback inspired me to push my artistic boundaries further. I could now see why Charlie had praised him as one of the great teachers.

The class passed quickly, and I found it pretty interesting overall. When the bell rang, everyone jumped out of their seats, excited for lunch. I, on the other hand, wasn't exactly thrilled about it because I still hadn't gotten used to the foreign food.

"Hey, have you seen Charlie?" Ellie asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. I realized then that I hadn't spotted Charlie in class, which started to make me worry.

"You know, now that you mention it, I didn't see him in class at all, and he was even late for his first class today," I replied. Ellie's expression turned from curiosity to concern, and she frowned.

"Never mind," Ellie quickly changed the subject, her frown disappearing, replaced by a smile. "Anyway, let's hurry up and grab some lunch before it gets too crowded." She linked arms with me, and we walked past the cafeteria, heading for the courtyard.

Ellie led me to a table where two guys were sitting. One was engrossed in a book, and the other seemed lost in thought, staring into the distance. As we approached, the guy lost in thought finally looked up and let out a sigh of relief.

"Finally, you're here. I just grabbed your apple juice," he said but then stopped in his tracks, looking surprised when he saw me. Ellie couldn't help but laugh at his reaction.

"Thanks, Tao. I was really thirsty in class this morning," Ellie said as she opened her apple juice and took a sip. For a moment, unsure whether to introduce myself or remain quiet. The guy who had been immersed in his book looked up at me with a friendly grin and introduced himself, saying, "Hey, I'm Isaac."

I returned his smile somewhat bashfully, relieved that someone had broken the ice. I nodded toward the familiar book in his hand and asked, "Is that by any chance 'Dune' by Frank Herbert? I read almost half of the series back in middle school, but life got in the way, and I never got around to finishing it in my free time."

Isaac's face lit up at the mention of the book, and he eagerly confirmed, "Yes, it is! I started it about a week ago, and I'm really enjoying it so far. But it feels like I've only scratched the surface, and I've got a long way to go."

His excitement was palpable, from the sparkle in his eyes to the way he cradled the book delicately, ensuring he didn't damage the spine. It was clear he was a true bookworm. I chuckled and replied, "Well, you're ahead of me. I barely finished the second book."

Isaac laughed, saying, "I hope I can keep going. I've got a mountain of books to get through," as he glanced helplessly at the pages he had left. I chimed in, "You've got quite a journey ahead of you. Just wait until they get to the part where they—"

Before I could continue, Isaac hastily covered his ears, shaking his head vigorously to avoid any spoilers. Ellie joined in the laughter and assured him, "Don't worry, Isaac, Y/N won't spoil anything."

Then, a guy in a beanie chimed in, saying, "So, you're the American girl everyone's been talking about," giving me an inquisitive once-over. It seemed like news of my presence had spread throughout the entire school.

I scratched my ear nervously and said, "Yeah, I just moved here about a week ago. It's pretty surprising how the news has spread so quickly."

The guy I figured was Tao responded, "Gossip tends to travel fast these days, especially since we merged schools."

That raised my eyebrows, and I asked, "Merged schools? Are you saying this used to be an all-boys school?"

Isaac chimed in, nodding, "Yup, we recently merged with Harvey Greene because the school had a bad fire over the summer."

I nodded in understanding, saying, "Ah, I see. That explains why all the guys were giving me those curious looks when I first walked in."

Ellie glanced at me knowingly and added, "I'm sure that's not the only reason they were looking at you." I waved her off, not quite catching her drift. I was about to respond when I finally spotted Charlie entering the courtyard. He scanned the field until his eyes settled on our table, and he started walking over.

He smiled at us while he put his backpack down, Ellie quickly intervened “Where have you been, I feel like I haven't seen you all day” Charlie smiled sheepishly “Sorry, I had some stuff to do before class started,” he simply explained but we can tell that we were not buying it, I especially was not buying it. Being late and missing a class on the first day of school definitely doesn't add up. But seeing Charlie’s presence he definitely looks a lot happier than before I saw him this morning. So, something most definitely has happened.

“Where have you been, I hear that you missed two classes,” Tao explained looking for an explanation. But Charlie couldn’t help but laugh “I only missed one class for you information, and I talked with Mr. Ajayi a few minutes ago so everything is fine now,” Charlie explained as he gave us reassuring eyes.

His cheeks were a little flushed as well as his rosy lips, and he does seem to be in better spirits, so I decided to let it go, for now. “Well, that is settled, can we please talk about Mr. Farouk unibrow grown more over the summer,” Charlie announced.

There was a pause for a moment until we busted out giggling. “I am so glad someone else said it” Ellie joined, covering her hand over her mouth. Tao busted down laughing, almost falling off the bench.

I could help but ask “Wait, he has a unibrow for so long?” you question everyone said in unison.

“Yes!”

I laughed right then and there.

___________

As the days went on, I became closer and closer to Charlie and his little friend group. My mom was definitely shocked that I had a friend group so fast, but I can tell that she was kind of glad that I found a group. And even for myself I am happy that I found a group that I have in common with. Ellie has been giving me some major fashion tips that I didn't even know I needed. Since we have the same hair texture, she’s even been teaching me some new hair styles. She is even teaching me how to braid my own since I can't braid for my life.

Issac even got me back to reading, surprisingly enough he made me read this book called ‘Pride and Prejudice’ which I am a couple chapters in, and I already love it so far. But with Tao…I can tell he doesn't like me very much, even at school whenever he sees me down the hall, he just avoids me like the plague, even his energy just gives off “stay away from me” vibes. I asked Charlie about this, but he just said Tao just takes a while to get used to new people, which I believe is total bullshit, but I decided to drop it.

It was a new day, and things were off to a rocky start. I finally found a student who could point me in the direction of the film department, which is located on the other side of the school in a dimly lit classroom. But just my luck, I discovered a notice on the door, explaining that it was temporarily closed due to the teacher being on maternity leave, and they needed time to find a replacement.

Feeling frustrated, I knew I couldn't share this news with my mom; she'd likely force me to join a sports team. I'd given running with Charlie a try in the morning, and let's just say it didn't go well. As I navigated the crowded hallways filled with students in their Truham uniforms, my day took an unexpected turn when I spotted a familiar face. His charming smile lit up his face, and his blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight.

"Hi," he greeted with warmth.

"Hi," I replied, a smile forming on my lips. Feeling a bit better despite my initial frustration.

We found ourselves just standing in the hallway, exchanging uncertain glances. Then, Nick broke the silence with a stammer, "Are you going that way?"

I replied with a touch of disappointment, "I'm heading to Math, unfortunately."

He smiled sheepishly, "Same," and we started walking together down the hall.

As I glanced at his notepad, I couldn't believe my eyes. "Are you actually doing homework while walking to class?"

Nick chuckled, seemingly surprised at himself, "I might be." He marked an answer that was clearly incorrect. I couldn't help but be amazed and teased him, "Well, that's certainly a choice."

He laughed, "It makes me sound way cooler than I actually am," he looked at the paper confusingly and scribbled another wrong answer. I couldn't resist poking fun, "You know what would be even cooler? Getting the answers right."

Nick did a double-take, "Huh? Are you saying that I got it wrong? I could have sworn I picked the right one." He scrutinized his paper closely.

Shaking my head, I confirmed, "Yeah, no, you completely butchered the last two problems, and if I let you continue, there will be no coming back."

Nick seemed taken aback, "No way. I double-checked the last one, even went over it with a classmate."

I offered to help, "Do you want me to do it for you?" It was practically insisting at this point.

He declined firmly, "No, I'm good. I got it from here."

I persisted, "Are you sure? I can just tell you the answers."

Nick looked at me knowingly, a smirk forming on his lips, "Then I won't learn. I can't take shortcuts like some people.”

He was one of the most stubborn guys I'd ever met, and normally, I would have just let it go. But something inside me made me want to keep trying, and I couldn't help but be charmed by his determination. It made me admire him some type of way.

Without thinking, my hand inched towards Nick's notebook. "If you're stuck, I can just..." I started, attempting to seize the notebook, but he resisted, a playful smile tugging at his lips.

"Let me just..." he said, struggling to hold back a laugh, all the while my fingers grasped onto the pages.

Nick couldn't help but chuckle, "Get off," he gasped, and inadvertently left a small, blue ink scribble on my hand. I was taken aback, staring at the ink mark. "Did you really just—"

Before I could finish my sentence, Nick swiftly took my hand and, with a deft motion, turned the ink blot into a smiling face. "Better."

I tried to ignore the warmth of his hand enveloping my cold one. His touch was both rough and gentle, creating a unique sensation. I couldn't help but smile at the little drawing he'd made. "Maybe."

We gazed at each other for a brief moment, and then we carried on walking. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about these small moments with him always gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling that seems to settle in the pit of my stomach. I decided to block it out for now.

Walking down the hallway I see a familiar face; they gave me and Nick a smile and I waved back, while passing each other in the hall. Nick seemed to notice the interaction. "Oh, you finally meet Ben?" he asked.

You furrowed your brow, "Is that his name? He seems nice, he helped me out this morning, with finally finding the Film department,"

Nick nodded "Sorry I couldn't be much help, but I am glad you finally found it!" he said.

"Yeah, but the department is temporarily closed since they can't find a teacher," you responded sadly. Nick noticed, my demeaner changed so quickly.

"Well, you can always join the rugby team to keep you occupied" he teased. You gaped at him; you can obviously tell that he was joking but you appreciate him on trying to lift you spirts.

I let out a mock gasp, feigning disbelief. "Rugby? Seriously? I'd be flattened within the first five minutes!" I chuckled, shaking my head. "But hey, maybe I could be the secret weapon. No one would see me coming!"

Nick joined in the laughter, and his smile was like a ray of sunshine. "True, true. You'd be the ultimate underdog. Surprise attack all the way!"

I couldn't help but smile back. These moments with Nick had a way of brightening my day.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

I sat down at the bench, letting out a sigh of relief, glad to have a break from my never-ending classes. "Sorry, I'm a bit late. What's the topic?" I asked.

Charlie's face turned sad as he responded, "We were just talking about how much Mr. Reed is a transphobe," The frustration in his voice was pretty clear.

Tao joined in, looking a bit annoyed as he held onto the table's edge. "Mr. Reed is still refusing to call her Elle." he grumbled, with a deep frown. "I can tell that it has been affecting Elle a little bit, but I can tell that she doesn't want to talk about it."

Elle approached the table, her smile as bright as ever, and grabbed an apple juice. "Hey, guys, what's going on?" she asked, excited to catch up. We exchanged looks, not quite sure where to begin.

Isaac decided to start the conversation. "We were chatting about this year's prom and what the theme might be," he mentioned, sounding a bit hesitant. Elle's eyes lit up with excitement. "Funny, I was thinking about that too!"

The talk at the table picked up pace as we shared ideas about the possible prom themes and what to wear. I'd never been to a prom before and didn't fully get why people were so into it, but my friends' enthusiasm made me curious. Amidst all the chatting, I found my attention wandering to the distant sounds coming from the field.

My gaze couldn't help but gravitate toward none other than Nick Nelson. I couldn't quite fathom why I kept running into him at school. Sure, we share a class, but there was something intriguing about him that I struggled to put into words.

As I watched him dash around the field, fully immersed in a game, I couldn't help but find it rather endearing. A soft smile crept onto my face, and I instinctively reached into my backpack to retrieve my camera. I snapped a quick photo; there was something so precious about witnessing someone carefree and joyful.

Tao, who caught me in the act, looked in my direction and remarked, "Isn't that Nick Nelson?" The entire table fell silent, hanging on my response.

Charlie chimed in confidently, "He sits next to her in our form." He seemed to wonder if that piece of information was helpful at all.

I decided to play dumb, asking innocently, "Who?"

"He looks like a golden retriever." Charlie said breathlessly, looking out into the field, he was clearly impressed by Nick's athleticism. As I watched Nick skillfully handle the soccer ball, that warm, fuzzy feeling swelled in my stomach, and my heart raced.

"Yeah, he really does," I responded breathlessly, my emotions getting the best of me. Tao raised an eyebrow and turned to me, teasing, "I can't believe you've been sitting next to the rugby king, Nick Nelson."

"He plays rugby?" I blurted out, my shock evident as all the hints from our past conversations fell into place. The image of his broad shoulders and strong arms suddenly made sense. I shook my head, refusing to let my thoughts dive too deeply into that rabbit hole.

"Yeah, he's been on the team since freshman year. What do you guys' even chat about every morning?" Tao asked, his tone betraying his surprise.

"We talk," I responded defensively, sensing Tao's skepticism. Feeling the need to justify our interactions.

He arched an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. "About what?"

The memory of Nick's pen exploding, leaving him with ink-stained hands and a desperate look for help, flashed through my mind. I couldn't help but laugh at him as he tried to scrub the stubborn blue ink away. "It's not coming off!" he had panicked, and I had playfully teased, "So, does this mean you're going to be blue forever?" We both shared a laugh, and he looked at his comically stained hands, saying, "It looks like I'm wearing blue gloves!" I couldn't resist adding, "Hey, I think it looks good on you. It brings out your eyes," though I wasn't entirely joking. Our shared laughter continued as we reminisced about that amusing incident.

I chuckled at the memory.

"Well, all I'm saying is, be careful," Tao advised.

I frowned, not quite getting it. "What? Why?"

Tao widened his eyes in disbelief. "Why? Just look at them," he exclaimed, nodding in the direction of Nick on the field. "He's the star player of the rugby team and hangs out with those rowdy, obnoxious Year 11 guys," he continued, a touch of disgust in his voice.

"Those are similar to the guys who bullied Charlie last year," he added, lowering his voice as he glanced at Charlie with a sympathetic look. The shock rippled across my face, leaving me momentarily speechless.

Charlie, noticing my reaction, reassured Tao, "I'm over that now, and from what I've seen, Nick is nothing like those bullies," he said, seeking confirmation from me.

I nodded. "Nick... He's different, he's nice," I said, pausing, unsure of what more to say.

Tao rolled his eyes, adopting a mocking tone, "I bet he's a completely different person when he's with his bro-dude friends," eliciting a laugh from Isaac. Sensing the shift in the mood, Ellie wisely decided to change the subject.

The day flew by, and before I knew it, I had finished all my classes. I was pleasantly surprised that I'd managed to get some homework done. Charlie and I walked out of the classroom together, and the air was getting colder by the second, even though the sun was still shining.

"I don't know how you're not freezing. I've got goosebumps," I commented, hugging my coat tightly around my body. Charlie chuckled in response.

"I'm not the one wearing a skirt. And just because I don't show it doesn't mean I'm not cold," he teased, strolling along. I rolled my eyes, thinking I might need to switch to pants for a few days until the weather improved.

"Hey, did you happen to get the answer sheet for math class today?" I asked, realizing that I had forgotten to complete the last set of problems.

We walked out of the school, and I waited for Charlie's response. However, he suddenly stopped walking, a look of surprise and confusion on his face. Concerned, I stopped alongside him, trying to figure out what had caught his attention.

His expression was a mix of shock and confusion. As I followed his gaze, I saw Nick Nelson, the familiar blond boy, laughing outside the school gates. I couldn't help but notice how his smile seemed to brighten in the sunlight, and I found myself getting lost in the sight. I scolded myself mentally; I needed to stop doing this to myself. But there was something about Nick that drew my attention.

Regrettably, my view of him was blocked by a couple more interested in their makeout session than their surroundings. I couldn't quite understand why Nick had this effect on me, and it bothered me. I let out an internal sigh, ready to move on.

"You ready to go, Charlie?" I asked, feeling defeated as I looked up at my friend. His expression had changed from shock to one of sadness, with a hard line forming across his lips.

Charlie simply replied, "Let's go."

Part 4 Link: https://www.tumblr.com/cutecurly-hair/735988308863221760/hearts-unleashed-part-3?source=share

#kit connor #black reader #nick nelson x reader #black!fem!reader #heartstopper #nick nelson x y/n #nick nelson fanfic #nick nelson x fem!reader #nick nelson x blackreader #charlie spring #kit connor x reader #heartstopper netflix #heartstopper fandom #heartstopper fanfic

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f1a1w1n · 2 years ago

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No, you don't

Part one/prologue of No, you don't.

Summary: You get your life turned around after you and Rey join the resistance. Unfortunately, you meet Poe and you couldn't be more annoyed by his boyish charm. This fic is a slow burn sorta enemies to friends typa thing. Reader has the force.

Word count: 2k

Warnings: None

( authors note: I wrote this ages ago and I can assure you my writing gets better 😭)

“What?” I said, anger growing on my face.

“It’s fine,” Rey said, holding my arm, slightly dragging me away from Plutt, the bloated junkboss who very much enjoyed seeing us starve. “He’s right, our scavenge today wasn’t that good''

It was clear that Rey was trying to diffuse the tension. Impatient customers waited in line complaining, getting very antsy.

I took a deep breath, trying to clear the anger from my face. “Fine” I said through gritted teeth. I snatched the portions from the counter as Plutt let out a laugh.

“You don’t have to do that everytime” I whisper-shouted to Rey as we walked back to our speeders.

“Do you want to starve?” Rey picked sand out from her nails. “Because the rate you were going we would have never seen food again”

I rolled my eyes, but I knew it was true.

As we hopped on our speeders Rey shot me a grin, and I smiled glumly at her.

“I wish we could live somewhere else,” I said as I secured my bag to the side of my speeder, “maybe a planet with grass”

“Grass?” Rey asked. “The.. uhm, green stuff.. right?”

“I’ll show you one day” I nodded. “I think you would really like the ocean as well”

Rey looked uneasy “I-”

I offered her a sad smile “I know”

I didn't get why she was so determined to wait on Jakku for her father, even though there were no chances of him coming back, Rey still held on to that tiny hope. I respected that.

We shot through the sand dunes, wind rustling in our hair. We finally made it to our home.

We parked the speeders to the side and crawled through the AT-AT. I dumped my bag to the side and poured two small glasses of water as Rey carefully dropped water into the portion tray. We ate our bread in silence looking out at the horizon.

As I bid Rey goodnight and slinked off to bed, my head was consumed by foggy thoughts. I knew what they were, and I cringed at them, trying desperately to go to sleep to escape them. But to my luck my thoughts entered my dreams.

“Mother?” I rasp out. My voice is muffled, lost in an echo. My movements feel foggy and heavy.

I watch my mother smile at me. I can feel the shocked expression on my face.

“Come on you can do it” I heard my mothers voice say “feel the force”

Suddenly, I’m pulled to the side, and from where I was I see a younger me sitting cross legged on the carpet with my hands at my side. I’m in my childhood home.

“The force is every living thing connected… feel it”

My mother walks circles around my younger body. She wears a jedi robe and a lightsaber hangs at her waist.

“Feel it”

I see my younger self take a deep breath. I had almost forgotten about this, I thought.

Suddenly the door swings open and my younger self runs to greet it.

“Dad!” Younger me says as she jumps into his arms.

He tosses his helmet to the side and spins younger me around. The dream feels sped up, like my brain was skipping over things.

My mother sighs “I was in the middle of training her”

My father pokes his tongue out at her cheerfully. “Give her a break, she’s so young”

“They trained me when I was much younger,” my mother pointed out.

My father walked over and planted a kiss on her cheek. My mother couldn’t help but smile.

I felt a sense of dead wash over me. Something bad is going to happen I thought but what? I racked my memories in hope of remembering but nothing popped into my mind.

“Mother!” I yelled but my voice was muffled, like a pillow was shoved down my throat “Mother!” I tried to run to them but it felt like a wall of pressure pushing me away from her.

All of a sudden stormtroopers burst through the door, firing their blasters. My father took out his blaster and fired shots back at them as my mother used the force to shield younger me and my father from their shots. I felt a hot sharp pain go through my stomach. I looked down and I saw another blaster shot pass through my stomach.

“Get her out of here!” I heard my mother yell.

I saw my dad take a young man's arm and run towards me. I start to yell at my father but no noise comes out. I reach for his arm as he draws close but I can’t grasp anything. My father and younger me run through me like I’m a ghost.

Everything starts to haze. My thoughts are getting clearer and the world around me starts to fade. The pain in my stomach is gone. I feel something dragging me out. I feel lighter. I begin to awake, but not before I hear my mother scream in pain.

I wake up in a jolt, sweat sticking my hair to my forehead. Rey runs into my room.

“You good?” Rey asks. The sun peeks up from the horizon.

I breathe out “yeah… just a nightmare”

She gives me a warm smile “alright, let’s get going then”

She offers me a hand and we get ready to go scavenge more graveyard ships.

We abseil down the corridor of a crashed imperial ship, stopping occasionally when we spot something worth scavenging, cutting it from its imperial prison. Finally Rey suggests we go home to sort through what we’ve scavenged and sell it, I agree and we hop on our speeders and ride home.

Rey sits outside sorting through what we scavenged, sorting it into piles while I’m inside sewing the holes closed in our clothes.

I let my thoughts drag me back to my dream last night. I had almost forgotten about that. I thought. Why can’t I forget?

I let myself think about my father, something I have not let myself do in a long time.

“Dad, where's mother?” younger me peers up at my fathers tear ridden face.

“She-” He stops himself. “I don’t know sweetie”

But he did know, and I did too, my mother had died. My father is half pulling half carrying me to his cruiser. He places me in a seat and hurriedly flips switches and presses buttons in the cockpit. The ship gently takes off. Below I can faintly see our old home, flames dancing off the roof and white stormtrooper specks running back to their ships to hunt us down. Before they can take off we jump into hyperspace, leaving our home, and my mother behind.

“Dad?”

“Yes sweetie?” I can hear him try to keep his voice steady, for my sake.

He looks so much younger here I think. The lines on his forehead are not as deep, the grey hair not as prominent.

“Mothers gone… isn’t she? I can feel it.” Grief hadn't yet set in the baby features of my younger self.

My father stays quiet for a bit. “Yes, she is.”

Months later, my father and I are on Jakku, doing what we can to survive. We slowly took apart my fathers ship, selling it piece by piece to Plutt for tiny amounts of food. Weeks later the realisation sets in, we are stuck here on this godforsaken planet.

A dried up bone had more water than the entire surface of the sun cracked planet.

I’m older now, my features more sharp as the baby fat fades away. You can see faint lines of grief across my brow occasionally. Sun tanned skin freckled my face.

I see my fathers face, so much older now. His forehead with deep wrinkles that cascaded from his eyes to the corners of his mouth. His hair is almost completely grey now. Jakku had not been kind to him, although I think mothers death aged him ten years quicker than normal.

He struggles to get up. “I must work,”

I rushed to his side. “No- please, you need to rest.” I grab his arm and try to guide him back to his seat. He jerks his arm away from me.

“It’s not okay.”

“What’s not okay?” I ask, my eyebrows furrowing.

“My only daughter… taking care of me- you are too young,” he grabs my hand and pulls it up, examining it and showing me my own hand like it’s done something wrong. “For your hands to be so-” he searches for the words.

I take my hand and pull my fathers in mine. Why must he be so weak?

“It’s okay father,” We sit in silence for a moment. “I have to work…”

I look at my fathers face, a mix of sadness, shame and pity wash over his face. He lets go of my hands. “Marry rich… not like your mother and I” he pauses “she gave up to much for me”

I turn away, letting my father sit in his grief. It's been years since my mother had died, my father still sits in his grief.

I’m brought back to my task at hand after accidentally sewing Rey’s scarf to the hem of my skirt-pants.

I remember when I first met Rey, it was the same day my fathers heart gave out. I went on foot to a graveyard ship to scavenge. I didn’t have any equipment to climb through the ship so I stayed on the lower levels climbing as much as I dared before I had to jump down.

Sobs racked my body as I tried to look for anything to scavenge. It had only been two weeks since I buried my father. Grief felt like a hot knife and you were butter. Your sobs sent dull pains to your chest every time you cried. This isn’t fair. I thought.

I think back to a week ago when your mother ghost had appeared to comfort me. I was angry, asking why she didn’t show up sooner, why she abandoned the jedi order, why she wanted to train me in the force. She sat and listened with a sad smile and gracefully put up with my yelling and sobs. She cried with me and we hugged. Even though she told me she was always there for me, I had never felt more alone, my purpose for living felt vague and fuzzy, but I persisted.

“Hey!”

I look up and see a girl about my age abseil down from above. “I had my eyes on that long before you showed up”

She reaches the ground and unhooks herself from her harness, she reaches around and grabs her quarterstaff.

“I’m sorry,” I wiped tears away from my face hurriedly. I place the fuel-cell's back on the ground and step away. The tone in her voice scared me. Tears still spilled from my eyes.

Rey looks at me weirdly. “It’s just a fuel-cell… actually you can keep it if you’re gonna cry-”

To my surprise I let out a chuckle… a real one. The weird honesty in her statement shocked me. “-No,” I interrupt her “you saw it first,”

Rey thinks for a moment, reluctantly she says “we can half it”

I hear the reluctance in her voice. Something saying she doesn’t have to be a good person, and I agree with that voice, she doesn’t have to do that. But she does anyway, begrudgingly. She takes out a serrated knife and stoops down to cut the fuel-cells in half.

“Wait-” I say. I take out a laser-cutter from my bag and gently take the fuel-cell away from her. I flick on the switch and cut it in half. I hand it to her while shoving the laser-cutter and the halved fuel-cell in my bag.

“You have a laser-cutter?” Rey says, almost shocked.

“Yes,”

“Hm,” Rey says, “I’m Rey.”

I smile half heartedly and introduce myself.

Later Rey and I would see each other more often. Whether it was running into each other at the markets, or running into each other at graveyard ships. Months later Rey offered me to live at her place.

Masterlist

Thanks for reading, I hope you have a good day <3

#poe dameron #rey skywalker #star wars sequels #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron fanfiction #oscar isaac characters

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therainingkiwi · 1 year ago

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Percy Jackson and Long Island

TL;DR: The CHB scenes of the new Percy Jackson show were shot near Vancouver, BC. Which is gorgeous but also it's so different from Long Island. You should look at some pretty pictures of Long Island below the cut.

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Percy Jackson trailer came out today and it's GORGEOUS.

In particular, the CHB scenes are beautiful, and the Vancouver-area woods they used for location shooting are breathtaking. I'm very glad they shot on location there.

Also, I need people to know: That's NOT what Long Island looks like. That shoreline doesn't look like Long Island Sound. Those trees are not Long Island trees. That shot of campers crossing a rope bridge? Yeah, I'm willing to bet that shot alone contains more elevation change than all of Long Island.

So, when you picture the scenes in your head, maybe try this: replace the tall conifers with a forest of short maples, oaks, and beeches. The leaves are lime-and-emerald green in the summer, as is all the light that reaches the forest floor. The forest is open and sun-dappled, thinning out towards a shore of grasses and giant sand dunes, rolling towards a body of water that looks like the ocean, but calmer. Less terrifying. More familiar. You can't really see the other side, but you know it's there--you can see it if you go a little further out. There is the occasional Eastern White pine tree, but they're singular tall trees that stick out clearly above the otherwise low-lying and open landscape. Most Long Island trees are not tall--which is why Thalia's pine stands out so much. There are gulls and other seabirds everywhere, and you can hear their calls on the air. In the summer, the air is hot and humid, and the ground is damp. You can tell this land fades to wetland not far from here. There are no mountains, just gently rolling hills and windswept sand dunes.

Like I said, I'm glad they didn't schlep a production team and a bunch of child actors all the way across the country to film on location. Vancouver is beautiful, and I'm excited to see that version of camp.

But, in your mind's eye, at some point, perhaps think of Long Island. Think of low lying forests. Think of dunes and wetlands and gulls and scrub grass. Think of cloudless skies. Below the read more are some photos of Long Island nature reserves, beaches, and Native reservations (there are two of them on Long Island--Shinnecock and Poospatuck/Unkechaug*).

The place is beautiful, and deserves to be appreciated.

This photo of the Jerome A. Ambro memorial wetlands was found on zaubee.com, and was taken by Noelle Casey. The image depicts a tan sandy beach in the foreground, and low-lying grassy wetlands in the mid-ground. At the far left edge of the photo, you can see the first few trees of a forest that presumably continues off to the left. In the background, you can see forested gentle rolling hills. The bright midday sun is visible in the picture, and there's not a cloud in the sky.

Cuffee’s Beach on the Shinnecock Indian Nation’s territory near Southampton on Long Island, New York.

Photo by Jeremy Dennis (Shinnecock Indian Nation)

From <https://www.americanindianmagazine.org/story/Shinnecock-Nation>

This image shows a dry, grassy shore. Presumably, it is winter, since the short trees visible on the left of the landscape don't have any leaves. The viewer is looking out on a deep blue body of water, where the opposite shore is far away but visible. The picture is bathed in a golden, late afternoon light and the sky fades from a pale orange to a cloudless blue.

This is a photograph of Hither Woods Preserve, a park in Montauk. I couldn't find details on the photographer. The image shows a forest. The trees are thin, and the foliage is dense, but you can see sky through the light green leaves. The trees are thin, and straight, and there's broad leaf plants providing ground cover. Through these plants, you can see a brown forest floor that gently slopes upward. In the middle of the path, a brown winding trail is edged with sticks to make it stand out clearly.

This entire blog post about Rocky Point Pine Barrens State Park is worth a read, for the beautiful photography if nothing else.

*Just to clarify, Poospatuck is the name of the reservation itself, and Unkechaug is the name of the tribal community that lives on that reservation. The name of the reservation is taken from the nearby Poospatuck River.

#long island #percy jackson #pjo #pjo series #pjo tv show #camp half blood #chb

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definitelymyselfreallyiswear · 6 months ago

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Alright. I want to post something. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe there's something appealing about getting these words from my head out into the world. There are a lot of things in my mind today. Well, there always are. So this post will likely be a jumble, jumping from topic to topic. What can I say? I have an ADHD diagnosis. That's probably relevant at this stage. I suppose the most forthright comment pinging around in there is the consideration to increase my antidepressant medication dose. Surprise surprise, the person rambling into Tumblr with no tags or followers is in a depression spiral. Original, isn't it? Ever a trailblazer. And at that, it has happened again. The thing that keeps derailing my thought patterns and ambushing my endeavours. The thing that grips me around the waist and wrenches me into another universe. Well - another time, anyway. Trauma. That fucking poster. If it can be called a poster. It was a photograph, with a caption, inside a frame. I suppose it was a photo print. Whatever. An image of a man walking alone towards the peak of a sand dune, footsteps visible in the sand behind him, his back to the frame. Orange was the overwhelming winner for feature colour in that piece, exceeding even the paper upon which it was printed - the frame was a ghastly shade of orange which attempted to draw the eye away from the piece and instead to its surroundings; and what a relief that would have been. Below the image, the caption, "Always set the trail. Never follow the path." That is burned into my mind. Whoever thinks that artwork in homes has no impact has clearly not lived through the ages of No Internet. I stared at that piece in every possible configuration. I stared at it while lying on the floor, feeling the harsh red fibres of the rug against my skin and the small stones of dirt in my hair. I needed to vacuum. My abdomen was exposed in this position. But at least my back was not turned, this time around. I stared at it while hanging upside down from the seat of the couch, my heels over the backrest and my head centimetres from the floor. My brother wouldn't stop giggling, which meant that we could be found at any moment and punished for waking the sleeping dragon. I stared at it from the dinner table while robotically chewing spaghetti, cheddar cheese and as little mince meat sauce as I could get away with without a punishment. There was yelling of course, but that was a given. Everything I did elicited yelling. Also, everything I didn't do. And everything in general. I stared at it from the hallway, while stalling my entrance to the living space. The longer I could stay out of arm's reach of the prime couch seat, the better. If pretending to be disproportionately engaged in the piece would allow me to spend a further few minutes with calm, cool skin and a lack of red, smarting handprints, then sign me up. Yes, I would love to know more about this photo. Where is it from? Where is the footpath that he abandoned? I stared at it sideways, from a makeshift pillow while home alone, sick with the flu. I couldn't stand without shaking, this time around. I had sick in my hair, but I couldn't get in the bath without my teeth chattering so hard that it hurt my face. It wasn't until 20 years later that I learned that was not the flu. I still don't know what it was. I stared at it from beneath, standing as close as I dared to the gas heater beneath the mantle. Or the ‘mantle piece,’ as we called it then. From here, especially as I grew taller, I could make out the fine lines of detail in the sand dunes; the way the folds gave way to the influence of the wind.

From this short distance, I studied the man in the centre, wondering if it was in fact the dragon as a young man – an adventurer, somebody of great conviction and ambition.

Slyly, slowly, with small, inconspicuous movements, I raised my hands to the 'mantle piece.' I gripped the ledge and stretched my elbows upwards - just enough that they were not in view of the television, but that I was able to slouch down and place my head beneath the level of my right elbow and peer through the gap. A way to glance, quickly, briefly, at the dragon, without notice or consequence. I promptly straightened, having confirmed my suspicions. No, the dragon was not the adventurer in a past life. It was not the same man. The man in the picture was another ideal; a deity to strive towards but never reach. And the dragon was not holy.

Today, the flashbacks are winning. They are relentless, after all. And my opportunity for reprieve was removed. I suppose I chose to spread this joy instead. Enjoy, ether.

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leonbloder · 7 months ago

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Will Someone or Somebody Sing?

Sometimes, one line from a poem speaks to me, and I don't always know why. But I always write those lines down and put them somewhere I can see daily until I figure it out.

Today, this line finally made it here for a reflection:

Will someone or somebody please start to sing? - Mary Oliver

This is the last line from Oliver's poem "The Roses."

The poem finds the poet walking on the dunes by a beach, wondering at the salt roses in full bloom. Something stirs within her that she likens to a horse galloping across the sand until it exhausts itself.

And so the poet asks the roses if she can lie down among them. And then there is the last line.

In poetry, roses often symbolize eternal or lasting love or some deeply held emotion. Whatever the poet is feeling as she walks the dunes, gazing at them, is something she's been carrying for some time, and she finds herself weary.

It's unclear why she wants to hear singing at that moment. She could be feeling her own mortality, the end of something, or the loss of a love. Whatever it is, she wants to finally rest to the sound of a voice singing over her.

Today, I'm feeling the same way, which is almost assuredly why that line spoke to me more deeply.

When we are experiencing loss, grief, sadness, or just a general sense of our frailty and impermanence, it can be draining. It takes a toll on our psyches, which in turn take out their frustrations on our bodies.

Weariness amid these feelings is natural, but it can also be debilitating when we stay in that space for too long.

Which is why I love what Oliver does in that last line of the poem. She decides to rest, to lie down in the middle of whatever is breaking her heart, to embrace the loss but not try to carry its heavy weight anymore.

She's not giving up; she just wants to hear singing. Singing, in this sense, has to do with the healing properties of song, not just any music, but a song meant for her by "someone or somebody" who sees her, knows her and sings what she needs to hear.

I also wonder if Mary Oliver brought this to mind: The Hebrew prophet Zephaniah once offered this prophetic word of hope to the ancient Israelites:

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:7

As far as I know, this is the only verse in the Bible where God is characterized as a God who sings. It's an amazing and beautiful thought, which could be what Oliver refers to.

So what does it sound like when God sings over us? Does it sound like the wind, or birdsong, or crashing waves? Does it take the form of chimes, a church bell, or the sound of children's laughter?

Or perhaps it comes to us from a familiar song we hear on the radio, one we sing with a friend, or something uplifting in a worship service at our church.

I believe it's all of these and more.

So, if you are sad today and weary beyond measure by a broken or wounded heart, let yourself rest in the roses of your loss, and pray as many times as you need to:

"Will someone or somebody please start to sing?"

Then, open your mind and your heart to what songs may come. Receive God's singing in whatever form it takes, and let yourself be restored and renewed. Whatever you have been carrying will not overcome you.

May it be so, and may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you now and always. Amen.

#presbymusings #leonbloder #dailydevotional #christian living #dailydevo #leon bloder #faith

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theorist-influencer-untitled · 1 year ago

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11.6.23 Monday

12:49 am

I have windblow... I feel bitter... What am I gonna do? Still,thinking of money and job and Borgy...

I think I have to clear things here, why I want Borgy now, nobody wants me now and I have to get Borgy... I really like Borgy the day I saw him on magazine. I HAVE WINDBLOW... I received CRYPTIC MESSAGE since 2010... Screen is something a mystery as well as the people off the screen.

10:55 am

I have windblow....I feel bitter....I wanna transfer to ilocos, I hate being controlled unfairly... I hate some lower people who are just into conspiracy on harming me since 2007...

I really wanna see sand dunes in ilocos, lay down on the ground and let John run without limit but safe though there are some plastics rocks and pebbles...

Yeah...Yeah... Headache it is... Most of the time my windblow is Tagalog but sometimes it is Taglish there are times on different language like Latin and I feel bullshit, seldom in English.

The first time I had a Latin windblow,it made me crazy it was really scary and bullshit coz I couldn't just understand it.... Headache... Sometimes it is over-lapping....There are so many forces and energies in the universe...

But I know, I really wanna leave this place and transfer in ilocos...

It is unfair to die this way INC's are mostly plastics and even some people in Cavite...

11:47 am

Last rice today and no df ( dog food )???.. I hate this life plus for 16 years I can't get a bf... I can't get exposure for me to get Borgy on the late years of my windnlow from 2007 and on going...

It was and still weird for me... I feel frustrated, my self-esteem is really, really low... Why, nobody wants me for 16 years...

My past relationship was past that's why we called it PAST! I mean it is not bad to see them it depends on the situation but I hate being controlled... I have windblow, I feel someone is controlling me that they wanted me to go back on my past relationship. Like what I said I don't wanna go back to my PAST relationship coz this is not common here in the Philippines, that sometimes relationship breaks coz of your mental hunger and emotional desire to be with someone.

11:59 am

??? Still,waiting for fundings coming from Uncle DD...It is bullshit coz it is not enough and they can't really assist me here even on basics, that's their negative point.

12:03 am

Zero Hour discussion:

It is not common here in the Philippines those mental hunger, emotional desire or sex cravings.

I can't go back to my PAST coz I want this... My mind will be on that person, my mind will be dancing on this body... Filipino couldn't understand my point even INC's...

Plus, the "DIARY or any journal" I don't know how to explain this point but will try... Some people have a Diary or Journal and it is important for them to have a Diary... Some people will say that's crazy like my biological mother who is so Filipino 100%.

Talk to me Borgy! I FEEL JEALOUS ON THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW...

youtube

1:04 pm

Diary is important for some people like me. I was trained to have a diary since I was 13 here but I wasn't yet aware and I wasn't able to maintain putting entries on my diary...My mental awareness was not consistent coz I was a virgin and I was got by my Aunt here who is married to a japanese when I was 13. I never hide some gloomy facts to people whom I can feel that is mature and I can trust.

Some couple used "a couple's Diary or his and her Diary". Hmm... For example me and Borgy will be a confirmed bf and gf or let's say husband and wife. For example we are that couple who keep a diary with us. It is either I have my own Diary or he has his own Diary,it is either we have a place where we can read our own diary or let's say we can swap Diary. It depends coz sometimes there are emotions that we can't verbalize.

Diary means you put your heart's content. You put everything and it can be like this that some angels can read or some good friends. Or you have a private Diary for some important thing like the "Couple's Diary or His & Her Diary" that only 2 of us can read. But we can also create a "Friendship Diary" but I lost them, Iost my fucking friends...

If it is a "Friendship Diary" it should be like this here in Tumbler where all of our friends can access...

1:27 pm

My main point of discussing Diary here coz I can sense that they wanted me to go back on the old BUS. But be fair it's been 16 years... I received CRYPTIC MESSAGE but it stays as CRYPTIC started from a peso then to a 2 peso then it's gone...It can't be CRYPTIC FOREVER...

When I say I like Borgy on that men's magazine I really did... I saw him and thought this was new face with some artist and some basketball player.

Now, I like him and Borgy became my mental hunger... I wanted to see sand-dunes and some plastics rocks and pebbles... I have this mental hunger to have him... Where I can feel safe if nobody wants me anymore....I want him and having this windblow in Cavite, it is time for me to leave... I can throw everyone here just to see sand-dunes and some plastics rocks and pebbles. I wanna have a "couple's Diary".... It is for me to find out, only me...

I FEEL JEALOUS ON THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW...

I hate straight plastics people here in Cavite!

4:17 pm

Still cheapness... Always we need to make a choice... Either water or a food... Df or rice... Gasul or Toiletries... It is weird! I need money, whew!

I need a job just to survive me and John and for some personal needs...

I can't have peace of mind having this kind of cheap fundings!

I wanna a solid ground where there the basics they can manage! These are basics angels they can't manage!

4:25 pm

I still have windblow... I need money and job and John's stuff... Weird here....I hate Cavite weird!

5:49 pm

I still have windblow and I really wanna leave Cavite, I'm already 42 let's grow-up... We can't go back if they are just plastics... So,many plastics hiding just like those Ben of Micheal Jackson.

I FEEL JEALOUS ON THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW...

youtube

7:02 pm

This Uncle Jun is really crazy he wants me to attend Ballos celebration party for being the chairman... Huh? Was it not enough that I voted for him? Just bring the food here... My vote was from my heart on Ballos but appearing as his super supporter, a big no,no...

Like on Borgy, I like him so much but not gonna dwell on his mowdeling personality, of course not!

7:12 pm

I want this Uncle Jun to die for making me their super supporter...

I like Borgy so much but focusing on him, being a mowdel, I'm not gonna do it... I like him... I'm a college graduate... I'm from De La Salle, I finished B.S. Biology and I was spoiled. I was spoiled Borgy... He was already on TV and a lot of issues about his mowdeling job and his past love and past love blow good or bad... Give me some pride... Is it not enough that I wanna get him and I like Borgy so much??? I'm proud of him being a mowdel but relationship will not work that way...

7:23 pm

I wanna hired killer for my Uncle Jun for pulling me down and removing my lil pride... How can I present myself on Borgy? If this Uncle Jun is always making me a super supporter... I wanna hired killer angels... To get over on everything...

I wanna hired killer here to wipe out this Uncle Jun. This is serious...

How can I present myself on Borgy? I think I have to wipe out Uncle Jun in this world...

I'm very transparent here and I'm a lasalite and how can I present myself on Borgy? If this Uncle Jun wanted me super cheap... I think we need to wipe out Uncle Jun in this world, angels...

I know, I'm cheap these days... I need help on right people but I can't exist... I asked help on Borgy, a long time ago it is within that 16 years... But social media will not work unless I'm actually part of it...

I know I'm cheap these days... But making me super cheap most specially I'm liking Borgy, will not work that way... They are stupid here and making me low... I have a lil pride but smashing on everyone like my Uncle Jun that I like Borgy hoping that there will be a hired killer coz it is too much of me being press down.

Can Borgy love me to the fullest? Like "Till Murder Do Us Part" but I wanna be forever Portia...

I feeel hurt on the blow of good or bad on Borgy's whatever issues he had or still existing issues of "blowing" his ego...

8:52 pm

This Uncle Jun got back from their their party! He didn't bring any food here... So, plastics!

What about the dogs??? I feel bullshit!

Can we wipe out this Uncle Jun?

No food...Even that Uncle DD is weird and selfish!

8:56 pm

This Uncle Jun is having a bad soul, I asked him what about the dogs? You know what he answered he said "don't mind the dogs?" I said huh? They are our dogs,they have LIFE!!!

We still have Eggs here angels... I will prepare eggs for US here even our dogs.

9:07 pm

For people on a diet just dwell on EGG or lingering with it is not bad until I will reach my 47kg my ideal weight. NOT MY IDEAL LIFE! I want food and treadmill...

EGG-- Source of protein,choline, support weight management, support immune system etceteraz...

Don't underestimate EGGS!

#Youtube

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mrthoughtbubbles · 1 year ago

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Something happened today that keeps on replaying in my head, so I'd reflect on it whilst trying to write about it here so that I'll be able to focus on other things.

I bought two items from the convenience store, and they asked for a smaller bill. I obliged and gave the exact amount, then the guy crumpled my receipt in front of me and threw it away and the other mocked me by saying, "good job" in a tone in a usual tone that people would use to mock someone. They know that I have a PWD card because I used it once on their store and they might've assumed that I lack understanding of the things they did. I just walked away from the store with my head glued to the floor because it brought back a lot of bad memories from the past and it kept replaying in my mind 4-hours after the said incident... I can't focus on the things I want to do, like read Dune or listen to the things that keep me updated with current events, like TLDR and such..

Instances like these are the reason why I don't like interacting with random people, with my head glued to the floor and my arms up to my chest... I just want to hide somewhere so that my stress and anxiety won't increase which can lead to me having another paranoid bout...

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sluntch · 1 year ago

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A simple entry for a simple man - Writing Challenge - Day 7

Not really much of an entry for today, tbh.

Yesterday, I wrote a movie review for the film Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves over on my Letterboxd account and counted that as writing something for the day. Probably gonna keep that up in general. The writing might not always go on here specifically but as long as I'm writing something, per day, I'll keep the habit up. Dil also came over to watch Arcane and Jujutsu Kaisen and just hang out and I was having a very good time and the evening got away from me. Things happen.

The D&D movie was fine, by the way. Not hyper-impressive but not overall the worst thing in the world. I was excited to see so many practical effects in a world that is becoming so bloated with CG in everything all the time. And they were cool-as-hell practical effects too, especially the Aarakocra council member in the beginning and the Tabaxi mother and child in the fish scene. I was genuinely excited to see that stuff in a movie like this. Main issues with this one (and I suppose movies these days in general) was the dialogue. SO MUCH MCU/WHEDON dialogue in this one, folks. Just like all over the whole damn thing. It's really grating to me when it happens and I know it's SUCH a thing these days to just complain about it but it really does take me out of the moment entirely whenever it happens. Why does every scene have to be undercut by a joke these days? Why can't we just let a scene play out and have the emotional impact that it should? Or even just let jokes land naturally? One of the worst I've seen was a scene where the party was journeying into the Underdark to do something and they come across a small group of Intellect Devourers, small brain-like creatures that eat your mind. They are more prone to attack people when they can sense higher intelligence and the higher one's intelligence is, the more likely they are to attack. Predictably, the creatures walk right by the party without attacking. Funny joke. Naturally delivered punchline. Nothing else needed. And then Ed, Chris Pine's character, says, out loud, AFTER THE PUNCHLINE HAS BEEN EFFECTIVELY DELIVERED: "Just seems hurtful." Completely unnecessary. Innocuous? Sure. Should I be getting worked-up about it? No. But I'm gonna anyway because it's just so annoying and happens all the time forever now. Whatever. Not pissed, just really mad.

I'll end this one here for now. I'm gonna try to watch a new movie tomorrow. One of the things I've been trying to do recently is watch more NEW movies, not just my comfort ones that I've seen a million times. Don't really know what's on most of my lists but I'll see what it is and actually attempt to watch it for realsies. I always tell myself I'm going to watch something new and then I don't and everything I've been meaning to watch just wastes away on some list forever while I watch The Mummy or some shit for the 1000th time. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I want to see more new stuff, especially something that may have come out recently. Might just watch They Cloned Tyrone, which I've been meaning to get to since the day it released.

Or who knows. I may just watch Dune again.

58 days to go.

#sluntchposting #writing challenge

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terrifyingscarecrow · 1 year ago

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It's late again. I'm still sleeping poorly, but I don't know why... So, in an attempt to gain some clarity, I'm starting this blog where I'll remain anonymous, and the names of people around me will be changed.

What's the summary of my day? Meh. Another chaotic night... Old demons emerged in my mind and kept me awake longer than necessary. As a result, I woke up again in the early afternoon.

A few months ago, I had a good routine, but it quickly disappeared... Why, I have no idea. I try to tell myself that everything is okay, even though I know deep down that it's not.

I imagine a big wall I must break down every day, but I can't seem to do it. Dalida didn't put the internet on again today, and that drives me crazy. It just adds another grain of sand to the dune of hatred I have for her.

It's only a matter of weeks before I permanently leave her house, but it's still a nightmare. Thankfully, I'll have a bit of relief next week.

Isis, my closest friend, pointed out my distance, and I lied. I don't want to talk to her right now; she annoys me. Even though today was better...

Let's leave it at that for now,

See you soon,

TerrifyingScarecrow

#sadness #text post

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kornstreifs-storys · 1 year ago

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Chapter 1: A fallen World

Part 1

The small shiny Eevee was running through the dense autum forest. The weather was starting to get colder, but her fur provided her with adequate protection. She had an absolute blast, diving trough piles of leafs, running between the tree trunks, ducking under roots.

Suddenly she heard a voice from behind. "Dune! Come on, not so fast. I don't want to have to run after you!" She looked behind and saw the Umbreon come after her in a leisurely pace. That was Kuro the Clans Junior Doctor and also her current caretaker. "Well it's not my fault that you're that slow!" she replied "I'm just having fun!". How could he expect her to just walk through this forrest without playing a bit. She usually didn't get to go out for that long.

Kuro rolled his eyes. "Yeah, your having fun. And then in ten minutes you'll have tired yourself out and I'm going to have to carry you for the rest of the way." Though she could see that he chuckled a bit. He might claim otherwise but, she knew he enjoyed seeing her happy.

Without listening further she took off into the forest again. She could hear Kuro sigh and pick up the pace.

After a while, of them just rinning throug the forrest, they came to an old Human Village, or rather the last ruins left of it. There were only a few old Foundations and Collapsed Brickwalls scattered between the trees.

Dune had sat down beteen the Piles of overgrown rubble. "I'm beat!" She exclaimed. "Kuurooo! Please carry me? she beeged, unsing Baby-Doll Eyes in the process. Kuro looked down at her. "I really don't want to say, Called it. But i did call it." He said in an amused tone, befor laying down to let the Eevee climb on his back.

He looked around. It was starting to get late, even though they still had about three hours till sun down. "Should we start to look for a place to stay for the night? These old Villages somtimes have sill standing Houses to hide in." He asked. Dune chukled silently. "Are you sugessting that because you don't want to carry me?" She teased him.

"Oh, you think I'm that weak?" He replied, with a cheeky smile. Than he got serious. "No I'm sugessting it, because many Pokémon still avoid these old Human Settlements, so we are less likely to be attaked here." He explained. "Also, if we can get up early tommorrow, we might still have some time to train befor continuing our journey."

Now Dune was not looking cheeky anymore. She stared at Kuros back in thought. "Well if we have to, I'm not going to enjoy it though."

"Oh, come on now. It's not going to be that bad." Kuro repiled with a smile. "But enough of that let's bunker down for the today." Then he walked into the Ruins to look for a palce to stay the night.

Later that Evening. Dune sat in the entrence way of one of the old Human houses. Despite how long this Village had been abandoned, there were surprinsingly still a few buildings standing. The Eevee looked up toward the sky, watching the starts between the crowns of the trees.

"Say Kuro." She asked. "I heard, that back when the Humans were still around you could barely see the stars at some places because there were small suns that were hanging around inside the citys that were outshinig the starts above. Do you think thats true?"

Kuro looked up from their supplys that he had been checking. "Where in Arceuses name did you hear that Story?" He asked, but than immediately continued. "Never mind. Well if the books that I read back at home were acurate than yes that was actually ture. But why do you ask?" Dune looked over to him, she thought about i for a second. She didn't really know why she had asked that, it had just come to her mind. "It's nothing, just thinking."

She thought about it for a while longer. All the stroies she had heard about the Humans sounded like they had been pretty impressive, especially considering that, apparently they hadn't even been Pokémon. So then, why did they dissapear and why were so many Pokémon today still so uneasy about it that they avoided most Human ruins.

"Do you think the thing that disapeard the Humans is also responsible for the fact that Eevees can't evolve anymore?" She asked still deep in thought. She noticed Kuro staring at her, he seemed to contamplate her question. "Well no one knows what whiped out humanity, so it is possible, even if not that likely." He replied. "But finding a way for you to evolve is the reason we're on this journey right now, so maybe we'll find out."

"If we did, we'd be famous for sure." Dune remarked. But she was not very hopefull. After all it had been 10 years since Eevees had become suddenly unable to evolve. How could two lonely Pokémon do anything about that. She would probably have to live with the fact that she'd forever be just an Eevee.

================================================

previous / next Start

And so the adventure beginns. So many mysterys, what happend to humanity, why are Eevees unable to evolve, why do most Pokémon still avoid the old Human ruins.

Find out in the next Episode of DBZ Ages of Ruin!

The Profiles of Dune and Kuro have been unlocked.

#pokemon #pokemon au #ooh mystery #you think our protags will find a way to evolve eevees?#chapter 1 #part 1/?#Dune Eevee #kuro umbreon #chrono #Ages of Ruin

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